


I wish I could have saved you

by accidentallybroken, Raggdoll_101



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Doctor Who, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie
Genre: Alternate Universe- Crossover, Angst, Baz tries to save his mother, Crossover, Crying, Fights, Gay Male Character, Gender Fluid Character, Gender fluid problems, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Memory Loss, Memory Wipe, Multi, No Fluff, Rabbits, Sad, TARDIS - Freeform, Unspecified Doctor(s) (Doctor Who), Unspecified solution, basically some of the science and magic in this is made up, even - Freeform, hello sweetie, no one's even reading this anyway, nursery(simon snow), so not from Fangirl/Carry On/Doctor Who, sorry - Freeform, vampire attack, what, what what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accidentallybroken/pseuds/accidentallybroken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raggdoll_101/pseuds/Raggdoll_101
Summary: Simon, Baz, and Penelope take a ride with the Doctor. Baz tries to go to the past to save his mother. He knows, and has been warned that it will create a paradox, and Simon's worried about what might happen. But then, if you have a chance to save you mother, but lose the one you love most, who would YOU choose???What happens next?(Is Simon, who happens to have NO magic, at risk???)You can just read it and find out.





	1. Accidentally posted this, so it's not finished.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RiverSong11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSong11/gifts).



Penelope nudged Simon, laughing. Simon had tried his first at-home baking project the other day, attempting to make cherry scones, and had almost burned the building down. Luckily, Baz had managed to put it out in time before it did too much damage. Penelope had been visiting with Micah, and was hearing the story for the first time today. Baz smirked as Simon recounted the tale, and then stopped.

Baz heard the sound before anyone else did. He supposed it was because of his Vampire hearing. He stopped Penelope and Simon. “Do you hear wings?”They stayed silent, listening hard. It was faint, but he heard a sound of wings and a deep voice cursing and crying out alternatively. He didn’t hesitate, he broke into a run, Penelope and Simon following closely behind.

 

“Well Fuck! “The Doctor yelled, as he/she/it/them lost total control of the TARDIS. This is about the worst fucking day I have ever had. he/she/it/them sighed, and punched in a few buttons. She/him/it shrieked as the TARDIS jerked suddenly to the left, the doctor almost fell out the door. Their eyes widened when she realized that half of their legs hung off of the TARDIS and then she/he/it/them got slammed into the back of the TARDIS. She/he cursed and tried to tie itself to the railing. But, he/she/it/them flew forward, and fell out of the TARDIS flying towards the ground, and a large acadamy on the ground.  
Pelting to the ground, falling, falling…

 

Baz skidded to a stop by an alley. He wasn’t sure what he was seeing exactly. There was a person hunched over on the ground, wearing skinny jeans and converses, cursing loudly and holding up some sort of... scanner? Screwdriver? Baz looked up and saw some winged creatures from a nightmare swooping down at the person, clawing and slashing at the person with their claws. The person seemed to be trying to shoot something out of the scanner thing, but was failing, and scratches were covering their face.

 

Baz wasn’t sure what to do. Should he use magic and save the person, or protect the World of the Mages? He was still standing there, trying to make the decision, when he heard a noise behind him. “Dead in the Air!” He turned and saw Penelope waving her ring towards the winged creatures. Baz knew the decision had been made for him, and raised his wand to help. Simon was standing at the head of the alley, watching this all happen. The winged creatures were down on the ground, and the person stood up.

 

“Thank you.” they said warily, brushing their jeans off. Baz noticed the person was wearing a Green Day shirt, and was wearing a lgbtq+ button on their lapel. Baz nodded, staring back at the person. They had the torso of a man, but more feminine shaped hips. He wasn’t sure what to say, watching the person inspect the scanner thing. “I should have put a wing setting on this thing.” they mumbled. They looked up. “I guess I owe you something for being saved.” Baz wasn’t sure what to do. He looked back at Simon, but Simon was staring at something at the end of the ally.

 

At the end of the alley, there was a blue police box. Simon was looking from it back to the person. “Oh. My. God. You’re The Doctor, aren’t you?” He said to the person. The person smirked slightly.

 

“Yes, but you can call me Quinn. Now, do you want that favor, or not?” Baz was suddenly remembering what he knew about Doctor Who. He knew immediately that he wanted the favor. He whispered what he wanted in Simon’s ear. Simon looked worried for a second, and then his face cleared. He nodded. Baz suddenly realized that Simon had more reason to go back than he did, but he knew that Simon wouldn’t let him go back on it. Baz told the Doctor what he wanted to do. The Doctor’s face became grave.

 

“You know I can’t let you save her, right?” they said. Baz nodded. They wouldn’t let him, he knew that much. Penelope’s eyes narrowed.

 

“Baz, you can’t. It would create a paradox, and it would be horrible.” Baz nodded again.

 

“I know that Penny!” he said irritably. She didn’t look convinced, but nodded. The Doctor looked between the two.

 

“So I assume all three of you will be along for the ride?” they said. Penelope nodded in confirmation. The Doctor clapped their hands together. “Let’s get this shit started!” Simon looked giddy. Baz knew that no matter how much he denied it, Simon had always dreamed of riding in the TARDIS. Simon probably felt similar to the time he had discovered that magic was real.

 

The Doctor kept glancing at Simon. He wandered around and occasionally pressed buttons that would make the TARDIS say things, that he would not want to have translated, and they would not like to translate. Simon almost touched the dream screen, and then we would have went anywhere he was thinking about. Good thing the one called Baz was there… Or was it? The boy called Baz seemed nervous, and there was something up with him...Or was that just her/himself? These strangers were starting to make her/him doubt what was really going on. She/He sighed, she/he had loved one once, but then they were ripped away from his/her life, just as all of the companions she/he loved, treasured, and cared about. Just like they always do. So she/he could not get too close to them….

 

This all seemed very surreal to Baz. He was finally going back to the place where his life had been stolen from him, his mother and his being human. He would see the vampires, see himself get bitten and watch his mother fight. Maybe if she hadn’t died, there wouldn’t have been a war, the Mage wouldn’t have come to power. Maybe Simon wouldn’t have become so broken. He had to save her.

 

It was unreal to Simon as well. He had just learned that a fictional TV show was actually real, and after already learning about magic, he would have believed almost anything you told him. He might believe you if you told him that at night toys come to life. He should ask Baz about that…

 

The Doctor pressed a few buttons on the TARDIS, and heard the familiar noise the TARDIS makes when it materializes. They smiled, and opened the door; The area around them was covered in mist, it looked like the school that they were just at, or where they?

 

Baz looked in surprise at the Doctor. Their eyes should have been burned as a result of all the magic. The Doctor looked fine though, a bit wary maybe, but fine. Baz shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, the Doctor was anything but Normal.

 

The Doctor looked around. “No, no, this isn’t right. I can’t get in this way. There’s too much protection. We have to actually transport the TARDIS inside.” They walked back into the TARDIS, everyone falling back in behind them.

 

Baz just wanted to get this over with. He was nervous. What if his mother didn’t recognize him? What if he couldn’t save her? What if he was stopped before he could save her? Simon came up beside him, and comfortingly rubbed his shoulder. Baz looked over at him. Simon spoke quietly. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to do this, you know.” Baz shook his head. Of course he did, though exactly what he was doing was not what Simon thought he was.

“It’s fine, I can do this.” Simon nodded. The TARDIS came to a stop. The Doctor cautiously opened the door.

“Is this the right place?” Baz stepped out. Immediately, a wave of memories rushed over him. The girl who bit him. The milk. The trains. He looked around at the heavy carved door, with the animals, and the rabbits looking over at the children. Mistress Mary hadn’t noticed them yet, she was fussing over a baby in the corner. Baz noticed with a shock that he saw himself in a larger crib close to the door. The Doctor suddenly appeared behind Baz.

“Don’t go any closer.” He/she/it/them said gravely. Baz nodded, looking over the nursery. He knew that soon Mistress Mary would look over at the blue box and notice them, and that soon the tranquility of the nursery would be broken with screams and broken down doors and curses. Penelope and Simon came out of the TARDIS. Simon put his hand on Baz’s shoulder. Baz leaned back into Simon’s comforting form. The Doctor looked at Mistress Mary’s back. “Get back in the TARDIS!” he/she/it/them hissed. Penelope obeyed, dragging Simon with her. Baz followed behind, with the Doctor coming inside.

“We can make the TARDIS invisible, and watch on the monitor.”

That felt wrong, to Baz, to watch his mother’s last moments on a screen, but then he remembered that he wouldn’t have to watch at all, he was going to save her.

He gripped his hands tight, huddled around the screen that The Doctor said was the monitor. Bunce was next to him, and beside her Simon and the Doctor stood warily.

Simon looked pained, and kept looking worriedly at Baz. The Doctor’s face was unreadable, but Baz knew that he/she/it/them was concerned. Bunce had her eyebrows furrowed, but Baz knew her curiosity and drive for knowledge would keep her focused on the screen rather than the people around her.


	2. Tyger, Tyger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our writing process for this fic:  
> AB- I have an angsty idea. I have another idea for a way to destroy a character. ALSO, SNOWBAZ.   
> RD- Oh, okay. I have an idea for a witty exchange, and I was wondering if we could bring THIS into it.   
> AB- Oh, cool. I'm just over here casually destroying Baz and ruining the story.   
> RD- Okay, well, have fun. 
> 
> However, it is not finished, so we'll see what happens. 
> 
> This chapter was mostly mine, AB, but next chapter will probably be RD's mostly.

The Doctor pushed her/his/their/its way over to Baz. “Please remember that I am trusting you not to go out there. You must just be a bystander. You can’t change history. And remember, you can’t touch yourself, that would also create a paradox, as well as saving someone.” Baz nodded, only a little guilty about lying to this person. It would all be worth it when his mother was alive. The Doctor looked very wary, and stood close to Baz, presumably to stop him if he tried to get out of the TARDIS. 

 

Baz fingered his wand in his sleeve. If he had to, he would use force (not hurting The Doctor or anyone who tried to stop him, but keeping them from stopping him.) to get out there. The only people he would actually hurt were the bloody vampires. The murderers. He would kill the Mage too, if the Mage hadn’t gotten what he deserved eventually. 

 

The Doctor sighed, and then started as there was some noises coming from the monitor. Baz quickly looked over, gripping his wand in his sleeve. He saw Mistress Mary look up in fear as there was a banging at the door. She drew her wand, but retreated to the back corner of the room, bringing the children who could walk with her. Some of the children in the cribs were still sleeping peacefully. 

 

He watched as the door fell down, and the vampires swarmed in. Baz realized there was tears running down his face. His mother came in a second later, and he knew it was time to act. He pulled his wand out, and ran out the door. The Doctor tried to run after him, but Baz cast a simple,  **Knockout!** Behind him, and ran out. “Mom!” He screamed, tears still running down his face. Natasha looked up at him in shock, still firing curses out of her wand at the same time. She looked confusedly at Baz. Baz heard a noise behind him, and turned to see Simon running into the room behind him. “Simon, get out!” He roared. It was too late. A vampire approached Simon and cornered him.

 

“Basilton?” Baz turned to see his mother looking at him in recognition. 

“Mom!” In shock, Baz saw the vampire pick up his baby self, and knew he had only seconds to act to save her. At that moment, though, he heard a noise, a whimper. 

 

He turned to see Simon pinned against the wall, fangs against his neck. He made a split second decision: he ran over to Simon and pulled the vampire off of him.  **Feel my wrath!** he snarled. The vampire fell over, in agony on the floor. Baz looked at Simon, but Simon was looking over Baz’s shoulder. Baz slowly turned and saw his mother and the vampires up in flames. 

 

“No!” He screamed, his voice raw. He tried to run forward, but Simon held him back. 

 

“They’re nothing you can do.” said Simon, crying. Baz leaned forward into Simon.

 

“I just wanted to save her!” Baz sobbed. Simon stroked his hair.

 

“I know.” They were interrupted by strong hands on the back of their necks. Penelope grabbed the back of their necks, and hauled them into the TARDIS. 

  
“Do you have any idea how BLOODY STUPID that was??!?!?” Penelope raged. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, accidentallybroken here, to finish this, because RD is busy.  
> I know no one is reading this, but I might as well finish it.   
> There will probably be one more chapter.

Baz sighed, tears running down his face. "I know, okay? You don't need to rub it in. Even if I had been able to save her," his voice broke, "I would have created a paradox that would have killed everyone anyway."

Simon put his hand on Baz's shoulder comfortingly.

"Hey, it's okay. You did good."

Penelope shook her head. "I'm sorry, Basil. I really am. But that was dangerous. I know that you just wanted to save your mother, but you're smarter than this. You knew the risks. " 

    The Doctor shook their head. "You could have-"

    Penelope broke in. "created a rift, that would open the doors to this world to creatures that feed on that energy. Your mother living could have led to events that would mean the world being destroyed, such as Simon not destroying the Humdrum, not figuring out how to fill it, your mother becoming a vampire, you and Simon never becoming friends. Frankly, I think the possibilities on everything that could go wrong are endless." 

    The Doctor spoke again, straightening their bow tie and fedora. "Shush! Shush! I was saying that. Don't interrupt me. Anyway, that could have done everything... well... that Bunce said. But it also could have done other things." They turned to Penelope. "How did you know all that?" 

    "I read. And think. And I watched a bit of Doctor Who, as well." The Doctor looked bemused.

    "Oh, right, that little human show about me. I quite like it. They got a surprising lot of details right. Never really figured out how they know so much." They still looked confused, but their face softened slightly when they looked at Baz.

     "Look, kid... I'm sorry about your mother. I really am. But there's nothing I can do. I'm going to take you people home." Baz nodded, to drained to say anything. He lay his head on Simon's shoulder as the Doctor went and messed with buttons and switches, muttering under their breath.

    "Zigzag plotter... mumble mumble... stupid kids... paradox... she doesn't like it..." Penelope was looking over the Doctor's shoulder, a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling away, presumably about the controls. She kept glancing over at Simon and Baz worriedly. They were leaning into each other, Simon's eyes blank as he stared at a circle on the wall, Baz's eyes hard and unreadable. 

     The whooshing noise (Penny had told Simon that River Song had revealed that to be the brakes) told them they were home, or at least on the same street as when they had met the Doctor. Penelope sighed, and walked over to Simon and Baz. 

     "Come on, boys." Simon stood up, holding his hand out to Baz. Baz pulled his long frame up. He avoided the Doctor and Penelope's eyes as they filed out of the TARDIS. The Doctor leaned in the doorway as they looked at the Doctor.

    "Glad we got that over with. Also, you, blue hair." Penelope looked up. "Do you want to come with me for a while?" Penelope's eyes widened under her cat eye glasses.

    "You mean, as your companion." The Doctor nodded. 

   "Sure. Whatever you want to call it. I've been looking for someone smart. What do you say?" Penelope took a deep breath. She glanced at the Doctor, and at Simon and Baz. She seemed to decide something. 

   "Okay. I'm sorry. I really want to, but I have responsibilities here. I'm running for office in the world of the Mages, I'm studying the effects of the Humdrum, and I have to take care of these bloody idiots. Frankly, I don't have the time. So, I cannot go with you. But feel free to come visit." The Doctor nodded, looking slightly impressed.

   "Good answer. Who knows, maybe that will work out for you sometime. I'd vote for you. I don't think I can visit, though. I'm sorry, I really am. But this is your only chance." Penelope nodded, accepting that.

    "Okay." 

    "Bye." The Doctor said, their eyes on the ground. 

     "Bye." The Doctor made eye contact with Simon and Baz.

      "And you two, stay out of trouble, yeah?" Baz nodded. He knew that comment was aimed towards him. The Doctor walked into the TARDIS.

     They looked back at the group, and hesitated. They seemed to want to say something, but decided against it. They walked inside the TARDIS and slammed the door. The trio heard an angry beeping noise, and then the whooshing noise came on, and the TARDIS slowly faded out of sight.

    They stood there, staring at the spot where the TARDIS had sat for a few minutes. Finally, Penelope seemed to snap out of it. 

     "Come on. Let's go home." They started out into the fading afternoon, the sky a lovely orange. Baz stared at the ground, and Simon stared worriedly at Baz. Penelope walked quickly, lost in her thoughts. 

      _What would have happened if I'd gone?_ She wondered. But a quick glance over at the boys (they were men, but she would always think of them as boys) made her sure of her decision. Her future lied here, trying to change the world and help Simon and Baz. It would be selfish of her to take the Doctor's offer. 

      When they got back to the flat, Penelope magicked the door open. Baz walked straight in and went into the bedroom (Simon's bedroom, but Baz slept there nearly as much as Simon did) and closed the door. Simon went and sat against the door on the other side. Penelope went into the kitchen to make tea, making it the Normal way. (Some research had shown that it had a calming effect, more than doing everything magickally. Something about the journey being more important than the result.)

    She walked into the hall, watching as Simon softly talked through the door. A minute later, the door opened slightly and Simon walked in. Penelope could hear Baz's raw sobs coming from the bedroom. She went back to the kitchen, not wanting to invade. (Normally she would have no qualms about it, but this was more personal. This was his mother, the legend that came to an untimely end.)

     The kettle whistled, so she headed into the kitchen and poured the boiling water into some of the mugs from the cabinet (it was bordering on a collection, but Penelope was a big believer in tea fixing nearly everything.) (She thought it was a British thing.) 

      She debated starting a biryani, but she was hopeless at cooking. (Simon was actually pretty good, as long as it didn't involve the oven.) 

      She plunked a tea bag into her mug, pulled a book of her shelf (her Dad had written it, she was wondering about the numbers in chapter 61.) and grabbed her research paper on spells in Hindi that she was planning on putting into her overall paper about magick around the world. 

   She looked at the papers, and decided against it. Penelope turned the TV on and watched Doctor Who reruns. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see how cleverly I inserted mentions of Doctor Who and Chapter 61. he he  
> Sorry, I'm bored.


	4. The River chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you know that my pal RD101 cannot continue, but I'll finish this up, even if you don't care.

            The Doctor put her/their (today they were mostly a girl, but it changed a lot) fedora on, straightening it in the mirror. She/they sighed at her/their reflection. So masculine. Too sharp. At least she/they were a ginger. The phone rang, and she/they sprinted out of the closet towards the main room, panting. She flung open the door to get the phone, and pulled it into the TARDIS. "Hello?" They said breathlessly. Who was it? There weren't that many people that should know that number. 

        "Hello, Sweetie. New body?" River said flirtatiously on the other end of the phone. They could hear screaming in the background. 

       "Yes. River, where are you?" 

      "American Civil war, Battle of Shiloh. Can you pick me up?" The Doctor sighed.

      "You know I can, but really, would you stop getting into so many scrapes and expecting me to bail you out?" 

      "Thanks, sweetie. Love you too." River hung up. The Doctor stared at the floor for a second, and then stared at the ceiling. When did she not bail River out? She started the TARDIS up, still confused by the buttons and switches and the multicolored lights on the walls.

    They landed, and the Doctor checked the monitor. Yep, she was definitely at a battle. She saw men running around in grey and blue uniforms, and in the middle of it all, River, looking annoyed, was screwing her bayonet on her gun. She was wearing a blue uniform, her hair tucked under a cap, her face smudged. She saw the TARDIS, and headed through the battle towards the door. She pulled the door open. 

     "Hello, lovely day. Ooh. I love the new body. Very new. Very different." She crossed the room, and pressed a kiss on the Doctor's mouth. "Let me see?" The Doctor smiled wanly, but gently pulled away. 

      "There will be plenty of time for that later. But why were you there?" River sighed.   
      "Someone owed me money." River crossed over to the TARDIS console, and ran her hand over it. The TARDIS made a pleased noise. "I like the decor." The Doctor sighed. 

      "It's certainly different." It looked somewhat like an emo who liked rainbows had done the decorating. "Anyway, can I ask you a favor?" River looked at her.

    "Depends on what it is." The Doctor took a deep breath.

     "I need you to wipe someone's memory. Well, several someones." They winced, assessing River's face. 

     "Who is it?" 

     "Some kids that saw me, took a ride with me. I don't know how well they'll keep their mouth shut. One's brilliant, and knows quite a lot about the workings of the TARDIS and paradoxes and tosh like that." 

    "The one who refused your offer to become your companion?" 

     "How did you know that?" River winked.

     "Spoilers. Anyway, are you sure that's the right way to go? I mean, memory wipes are difficult, and they don't seem to want to share it."

     "The're just all good at making a stir. Better to be safe than sorry. " River sighed. 

     "Well, you have changed. You're not giving people the benefit of the doubt anymore, apparently."

    "Is that bad?" River thought for a while.

    "I don't know yet, but it will certainly be an  _adventure_ to get to know you." The Doctor nodded, ignoring the wink River gave her.

    "Can you do it?" River nodded.

    "Yes. Are you sure?" 

    "Yes." 

   "Okay. Can you drop me off on the nearest planet on the Luddoise Yoodon 5.7 galaxy?" 

* * *

 

Baz woke up from a soft noise at the door. Checking that Simon was sleeping peacefully beside him, he slipped out of bed silently, padding towards the front door of the flat. In the dark, his sharp eyes made out a figure.

     "Hello, Sweetie." Then he plunged into murky darkness.

Penelope banged on the door. "Baz, you're nearly late for classes, Simon, you might as well get get up and make me some breakfast." Baz groaned and sat up,  heading to the bathroom for a quick shower after a peck on Simon's cheek. Simon yawned and pulled on a shirt and stumbled to the kitchen. 

    "How'd you sleep?" Penelope inquired, looking at her phone. 

   "Well, until you started banging on the door. " Penelope grinned.

  "Best way to get you up. Anyway, French Toast today?" She pleaded.

  Simon smiled and got to work on the cooking. 


End file.
